Meeting My Inner Child Where She Still Lives

The inner child is the part of us that carries our earliest experiences of love, safety, abandonment, and belonging. She holds the memories formed before we had the words to understand them. She remembers how it felt to be chosen or overlooked, protected or dismissed. Even as we grow older, she continues to show up in our relationships, our fears, our attachments, and our longing to be loved fully. When she is wounded, she often reaches for connection in familiar ways, hoping for a different ending.

Moments after I sent that message and after talking with the people who truly have my best interests at heart, I realized something quietly profound.

It wasn’t about him.
It was about her.

My inner child.

The one who learned attachment before she learned safety.
The one who loved deeply long before she knew what it meant to be protected.

She was dismissed.
Left.
Forgotten.

She attached herself to father figures and first loves, searching for something familiar and steady. A father who tried but couldn’t remember the moments that mattered most. A stepfather who became a second father, someone she clung to, only to lose without warning. No goodbye. No closure. Just absence.

A little girl left feeling abandoned.
A little girl who quietly learned that love might leave without explanation.

As she grew, she entered her first relationship believing that maybe finally someone could love all of her. But innocence can be mistaken for weakness and trust can be taken advantage of. What followed was pain layered with manipulation. Sabotage, lies, threats, love bombing, control. He knew she was gentle. He knew she wanted to be chosen.

And she stayed.

A little girl believing she must have done something to deserve the mistreatment.
Clinging tighter, hoping love would finally be enough to make him stay.

Her second relationship came wrapped in intensity. Lust disguised as love. Another unhealed boy projecting his wounds onto her. Raised voices during moments of vulnerability. Cruel words spoken when she needed softness most.

A little girl terrified of not being enough.
Begging, crying, shrinking herself to keep someone from leaving, even while being belittled.

Then came the third.
Someone older. Wiser, or so she believed. Someone she thought would finally see her value. She invested a year of her heart into someone who took over half that time just to decide if he wanted her. Someone unsure. Someone who gave up when things became hard. Someone who never matched her effort.

And still she fought harder.

Because to her letting go felt like failure.
Because chasing felt safer than sitting with the fear of abandonment.
Because settling felt better than starting over.

She loved him for who he could be even when she could not accept who he was.

A little girl afraid to let go.
A little girl who clings tighter as others pull away.
A little girl who just wants to be held and told she is enough.
That she is lovable.
That she is worthy.

Now her wiser self is learning to stand beside her instead of judging her.

Her wiser self knows she is capable of the very things she once feared. She sees herself fully now. Her passion. Her empathy. Her softness. Her strength. She sees how deeply she loves. How fiercely she believes in people. How hard she has worked to heal.

Healing her inner child isn’t a single moment. It’s a daily practice.

And with awareness comes release.

Old beliefs begin to loosen their grip. Patterns begin to fade. Clarity replaces confusion. She is learning what she wants from her life, not what she’s willing to tolerate just to avoid being alone.

Because this is her life.

She deserves to be happy.
To be seen.
To be heard.
To be appreciated for all that she gives.

She is enough.
She always has been.

A Gentle Inner Child Closing Ritual

Find a quiet moment where you can be alone, even if only for a few minutes. Sit or lie down somewhere that feels safe and comforting.

Place one hand over your heart and the other over your stomach. Take three slow breaths, allowing your body to soften with each exhale.

Now, imagine your inner child standing in front of you at the age she first learned that love could leave. Notice her expression. Notice what she needs.

Gently speak to her, either out loud or in your mind:

You are safe now.
You are not too much.
You do not have to earn love.
I see you. I choose you. I am staying.

If it feels right, imagine wrapping her in a warm embrace or inviting her to sit beside you. Let her know she is welcome here.

Before closing, place one hand back on your heart and set this intention:

I release the belief that abandonment is my fault.
I allow myself to choose love that meets me with consistency, care, and safety.

Take one final deep breath and slowly return to the present moment. Carry this softness with you as you move through your day, remembering that healing does not require perfection. It only asks for presence.